I have never entered a darkened room and thought, “There’s
no way a serial killer is hiding in here.” That’s just not something that ever
crosses my mind. Instead, I walk in knowing that there is a serial killer
hiding in the darkest corner of the room and I proclaim, “Wow, my back sure
does hurt from all that Tiquando but I think I could go another round or seven.”
Because the dark is such a haunting place, I do not sleep at
night. Well, I sleep but I do not fall asleep with all of the lights off.
Whether it is the glow of the TV or the flashlight on my phone, there is always
some sort of God sent light that shines on every corner of my room making sure
that nobody has snuck by while I blinked…30 minutes ago.
I have done these things since I was a baby and cannot remember
a time when they haven’t come in handy. The dark and public bathrooms are scary
places and one should not enter without some sort of plan of escape. I had to figure out all of my plans younger
than most but that is because my sister told me a retired basketball player was
hiding in little girls’ closets waiting. She never told me what these men were
waiting for but after What Lies Beneath, I could only imagine. Also, Edward
watched Bella sleep and now she is a vampire. I don’t want to be a vampire.
Screw the dark and take up imaginary Tiquando classes.
Stay tuned for my list of Potential Serial Killer Hiding Places.
